🍃The Perfect Ratio: Redefining Success, Self-Leadership & Emotional Rhythm as a Working Individual🍃
Lately, I keep returning to the phrase "the perfect ratio." It came up in a conversation with a close friend as they returned to work, juggling four children between the ages of 3 and 15, a marriage, a household, and their own wellbeing. We laughed, paused, and admitted that sometimes, even when you're doing everything "right," it still doesn’t feel like enough. That invisible load, the emotional, mental, and physical labor that working individuals carry, is often unacknowledged, but it weighs heavy.
We are told we should be present, perfect, and peaceful. We should raise emotionally intelligent children, support our partners, keep our homes tidy, stay in touch with family & friends, prioritize health, and still make space for joy and self-care. We’re often doing all of this while feeling stretched thin, burnt out, and quietly grieving the space we once had to just be.
The Illusion of the Perfect Ratio
What is the perfect ratio, really? Is it hours spent with your kids vs. hours at work? Is it how many meals you cook from scratch in a week? How tidy your house is? How emotionally available you are for your partner?
This myth of balance has become a performance of an idealized version of ourselves and social media doesn’t help that. On the internet, we see curated versions of parenthood: peaceful yoga sessions, smiling toddlers at museums, partners holding hands, clean kitchens, and glowing skin. It looks like everyone else is doing it all and doing it all well.
But the truth is, rhythm matters more than balance. Rhythm is dynamic, fluid, and responsive. It shifts based on what your body, your family, and your life actually need. Balance is often a rigid, unrealistic expectation; rhythm allows for grace.
The Internal System: Who’s Holding the Pressure?
When we pause and look inward, we often find internal parts holding onto the pressure. The part that says, "You should look a certain way." The part that says, "You must have it together." These voices often aren’t ours originally, they often come from cultural messages, family expectations, or early experiences of worth.
Using an Internal Family Systems (IFS) lens, we start to get curious about those parts rather than criticizing them. Who’s trying to get it all right? here did that part learn its rules? What parts carry guilt or helplessness? What if we slowed down and listened to what they actually need?
This is how we begin to lead ourselves emotionally by connecting with our internal system rather than being run by it.
The Narrative We Carry
Narrative therapy teaches us that the stories we carry about ourselves shape how we move through the world. "I’m always behind." "I can never do enough." "No matter how hard I try, I’m failing."
These stories aren’t always true but they feel true, and they create a cycle of self-rejection that makes it nearly impossible to access self-compassion. This is where cognitive distortions come in the "shoulds" and "musts" that quietly tell us we are not enough. They reinforce an idealized self-image, not a grounded, lived one.
So what happens when we rewrite the story?
I am doing the best I can.
I am attuned to what matters most today.
My energy deserves to flow where it’s needed, not just where it’s expected.
Rewriting our story isn’t about toxic positivity. It’s about returning to the truth of who we are: human, layered, and worthy.
Realigning with What Matters
As you transition into a new phase of life whether you're returning to work, adjusting to new roles, or simply trying to find your footing again it helps to ask:
What are my self-expectations today?
What does emotional leadership look like right now?
How do I want to feel at the end of this day?
The very first person you wake up with is yourself, your thoughts and your needs. Attuning to that is not selfish. It’s the foundation of how you show up for everyone else.
A Compassionate Close
The perfect ratio is not a rigid standard. It’s an evolving, self-led rhythm rooted in your values, your reality, and your capacity. You are not meant to do it all alone. You are not failing when you pause, and you don’t need permission to redefine what success looks like in your home, your body, your mind, and your relationships.
You get to lead your life from within.
If you’re navigating this space and seeking support, therapy can be a space to reclaim your rhythm.
#healingwithsaadia