Your Inner Critic Isn’t Always Right: Understanding and Reframing Cognitive Distortions

Somewhere along the way, many of us internalized a voice that questions our worth, magnifies our mistakes, or convinces us that if we’re not perfect, we’re failing. This voice isn’t always loud—but it’s persistent. It shows up in thoughts like:

“I should be doing more.”
“They probably think I’m not good enough.”
“If I don’t get this exactly right, I’ve failed.”

These aren’t just fleeting insecurities. They’re what we call cognitive distortions—habitual, often unconscious thought patterns that warp how we see ourselves, others, and the world.

Cognitive Distortions in Everyday Life

Cognitive distortions can feel incredibly real. That’s what makes them so convincing. In DBT and other therapeutic frameworks, we explore how these thoughts act like filters. They aren’t always based on facts—they’re interpretations based on emotion, old experiences, and learned ways of staying safe.

Some common distortions include:

• All-or-Nothing Thinking: You see things as black or white, with no in-between.
“If I’m not perfect, I’m a total failure.”

• Overgeneralization: You view a single event as a never-ending pattern.
“This always happens to me.”

• Mental Filtering: You only focus on the negative and ignore the positive.
“Nothing went well today.” (Even if a few things actually did.)

• Discounting the Positive: You reject good things as not counting.
“They were just being nice. It wasn’t real.”

• Jumping to Conclusions:
– Mind Reading: “They haven’t texted back—they must be mad at me.”
– Fortune Telling: “I just know I’m going to mess this up.”

• Catastrophizing: You expect the worst-case scenario.
“If I make one mistake, it’ll ruin everything.”

• Emotional Reasoning: You believe something must be true because you feel it strongly.
“I feel worthless, so I must be.”

• “Should” and “Must” Statements: You pressure yourself with rules.
“I should be able to handle this.”
“I must never make a mistake.”

• Labeling: You reduce yourself or others to a single word.
“I’m a failure.”
“They’re just selfish.”

• Personalization and Blame: You blame yourself for things out of your control—or blame others unfairly.
“It’s all my fault.”
“They made me feel this way.”

These distortions quietly shape our choices, relationships, and self-image. Left unchecked, they can keep us stuck in cycles of shame, self-doubt, and emotional reactivity.

Why We Believe Them

These distorted patterns often have roots. Early life experiences, trauma, family dynamics, and cultural expectations can all shape how we interpret ourselves and the world. In fact, many of these thoughts once had a purpose. They helped us stay safe, anticipate harm, or avoid disappointment. Over time, though, they can become limiting—even harmful. The more familiar a thought is, the more believable it feels. That’s why so many people struggle to tell the difference between a distorted thought and a factual one.

How Therapy Helps

In my work as a trauma-informed therapist, I focus not just on what’s happening in the present—but on where these thoughts come from. Understanding the emotional root is essential to truly shifting the cycle.

Therapy creates space to:

• Slow down your thoughts and name the distortions
• Understand the origins of your inner critic
• Separate truth from old narratives
• Develop more compassionate, grounded thinking
• Rebuild trust in your intuition and voice

We don’t have to “fight” our thoughts—but we do need to listen, explore, and reframe them with care. That’s how real change happens.

You Are Not Your Thoughts

Cognitive distortions can feel loud and convincing—but they’re not permanent. With the right support, you can begin to challenge them, heal what’s underneath, and move forward in your life with clarity and confidence.

You are more than the stories your inner critic tells. You’re allowed to think differently. You’re allowed to grow. You’re allowed to come home to yourself.

#healingwithsaadia